Bullying: “I’m going to punch you in the face!”

We live in Palatine, and my son is a kindergartener in an elementary school in District 15, he was bullied by a third grader on the school bus. Before I realized he was being bullied, I noticed my son was calling himself a “loser,” my husband and I have never used this word inside or outside of our home. I was a bit alarmed, why was he calling himself a loser and how did he learn this word? I asked him, “Why are you calling yourself a loser and did anyone call you a loser?” His reply was, “I’m just a loser.” At this time I didn’t know if he fully understood the word, “loser,” and what the negative connotation of this word really meant. I told him that is not a nice word and he is not a loser, and please do not call himself or anyone a loser. I left it at that not wanting to push the matter further, but looking back I wished I did a little more digging.

Weeks went by, and one day when the school bus dropped him off at home my son told me that an older boy on the bus had called him a “loser.” I asked him why this boy would do that and if he had done or said anything to make this boy angry? His reply, “I just looked at him.” I told my son to stay away from the boy as best as he can and to tell the bus driver the next time it happens again. The next day I talked to the driver and explained what had happened and to please keep them separated. I thought that would solve the problem, but weeks later my son reported to me that this time; the boy moved from his seat to get close enough to my son to threaten him by saying, “I’m going to punch you in the face!” I was so horrified, especially, because there was a recent case at that time
involving another kindergartener, being physically attacked by a third grader on that same bus. I immediately called the school to report what had happened and talked to the assistant principal, and explained how the situation had escalated from calling my son a “loser” to threatening to, “punch him in the face.” She assured me that she would investigate the matter by talking to my son, the bus driver and the bully, and will report back to me her findings by Thursday or Friday of that week. I told my son that she will talk to him about what had happened and not to be scared and just tell her the truth.

I anxiously waited to hear back from the assistant principle, by the time my son came home that Friday afternoon I still did not hear from her. I asked the bus driver if anyone had talked to her, to my surprise, no one had talked to her or my son. Confused, I called the school and talked to the secretary of the school
and requested to speak to the assistant principal. The secretary asked me if the assistant principal talked to me about the bullying situation and I said no, that is why I was calling. She said she would pass on the message to the assistant principal and have her call me back. But when the assistant principal called me,
she asked me if I was calling her to follow up on something? I reminded her about my son being the target of bullying by the third grader, and wanted to know the result of her investigation. And why she did not speak to my son or the bus driver? She said she did investigate the matter on Thursday and that it was not necessary to talk to my son or the bus driver because, his bully confessed to everything and he was told consequences if it happens again. But she could not tell me the details of the consequences, because of privacy issues. I asked her why she did not call me back with this information. She insisted, that she told me that she would only call me back if the stories did not match. I thought did she lack common sense, or just a really bad memory? She also added that his parents were called and informed about the situation, and that this boy has never been in trouble before. She advised me to call the school if it happens again and to tell my son’s teacher. If it happens again?  Would any parent want to take that chance that their child may be physically hurt and psychologically damaged the next time? And why would a school administrator take that chance given the proof of how the bullying had escalated, and the recent attack of a kindergartener by yet another third grader on that same bus? I decided that right then and there, I will not put my son on the same bus as his tormentor. Why did she not think that I needed more options then to wait and see if the bullying would happen again?  The thought filled me with terror, imagining my thirty-eight pound child being bullied again, and potentially physically hurt by a much larger, at least One hundred and twenty-five pound third grader. What if the bully decided to retaliate and really hurt my son the next time?  Just call her and let her know, when it might have been prevented? I also thought what was her reasoning for not following up with me about such a serious matter? If a parent called to report that their child has been bullied, wouldn’t the administrators of the school not think that the parent want to know the outcome and how it was handled? I wondered, if bullying was happening in the school and was witnessed by a staff member, what would happen? Would the administrators also neglect to notify the parent of the victim?

After much consideration, I believed that she acted unprofessionally by not following up with me and not offering any solution to the bullying problem. 
Her actions demonstrated her insensitivity and reluctance to help protect my son.  I had been making notes of dates, names and what was said throughout this process. I decided to write a letter to the school principal with documented details of the bullying and how her assistant had handled the matter. I also stated my
wish for written documentation about the bullying situation and for the bully
to be switched to another school bus. Before I delivered the letter to the school, I decided to call the bully’s mother, to make sure that the school informed her about her child’s aggressive behavior. The mother insisted that she was never called by the school administrators and her son denies everything. I also to added this information in my letter to the principal. I also quoted the Parent/Student, 2012/2013 handbook, in regards to the District 15 bullying policy: PREVENTING BULLYING, INTIMIDATION, AND HARASSMENT: “Actively involves students’ parents/guardians in the remediation of the behavior(s) of concern. This includes ensuring that all parents/guardians are notified, as required by State law, whenever their child engages in aggressive behavior.”

When I finally had my meeting with the school principal, I was surprised to find the director of transportation was also to be a part of the meeting. He went on
about how he was short staffed, and how hard it would be to switch a student to
another bus, and that it can cause families hardships if they were forced to drive their children to and from school. He said that students have lots of rules to follow at school and on the bus and we can’t expect children to be angels all the time. And they take several steps in the process before removing a student from the bus service. I asked him do all the school buses have cameras. His reply, was yes all the school buses have cameras and that the small buses have one camera system, the big buses like the one that my son rides on has two cameras. I let him and the principal know that the assistant principal informed me that she personally inspected the bus that my son rides on, and said it was a small bus that did not have a camera. At which, the principal suggested if maybe, I misinterpreted what her assistant principal said. I assured her that I am quite sure of what I was told, and that I made it a point to write down everything that was said after each conversation. At this point the director of transportation
said that he could not commit himself to being sure that particular bus had a
camera at the time of the bullying. Because it might have been taken down for repairs, or for other reasons and he would have to check. I find it hard to believe that both cameras would need to be taken down at the same time. They were not aware before my meeting with them that I had found the information in Parent/ Student handbook that stated, “All District 15 buses are equipped with video cameras to monitor conduct and maintain a safe environment for students and employees.”

I asked the principal is it not protocol to talk to the victim of bullying, to let them know that the school is aware of the problem and it was handled? She agreed, and said that her assistant has a lot of responsibilities, but should have talked
to my son. I thought if her assistant failed to talk to my son, why did she not personally offer to talk to my son instead? And when I brought up the subject of how her assistant did not follow up with me, she replied that she have talked to her assistant about that matter. As for the mother of the bully, I wanted to know if the school informed her of her son’s behavior. The principal said the mother was informed but did not want to share information with me. Also my request for written documentation of the bullying was denied to me as well.

All my requests were denied, and they suggested keeping my son and the bully separated and on the bus, which did not work before. I later informed the principal that my son will continue to not use the bus service. Clearly stated, in the Parent/Student handbook under Bus Conduct: “All students who ride buses must follow the District’s School Bus Safety Guidelines.  Gross disobedience or misconduct providing grounds for suspension from riding the school bus include: 2. Willful injury or threat of injury to a bus driver or to another rider.” Yet, the bully is still given the right to ride the bus after he called my son a loser, threaten to hit him, and breaking safety rules by getting out of his seat while the bus was in motion. If the school administrators refused to show a strong stand against bullying then how much of that will and is reflected on the school’s culture? And when I talked to my son’s teacher she said that my son is a rule follower and he is a pleasure to have in class, also he is friendly and has friends. But added that he is kind of meek and in the first grade the children will have regular recess and it will be hard to monitor the class during that time. I thought what exactly was she trying to say? So if my son is kind of meek, does that mean other students are kind of aggressive? Will the situation only get worse as my son gets older in a school that others may see him as meek, and an easy target for bullying? Because administrators fail to act, even when they have evidence that there was a real bullying situation? I decided that I had to transfer my son out of that school.

I wrote to the deputy superintendent of district 15 requesting a transfer for my son. In my letter to him I explained that my son was bullied on the bus, and the lack of action and professionalism by the administrators have left with me with little faith in the school. I also added a copy of my letter to the principal and explained that I have exhausted all of my options with the school. And that I have removed my son from the bus service permanently to prevent any further harm to him. I waited for over a week then decided to email him twice before I received a response from him. In his reply to me, he denied me the school transfer stating that after reading my letter and talking to the school principal, his understanding is that the situation was an “isolated incident” and was not an ongoing situation, only in extreme situation will the District consider a school transfer and the choice of school is within the District’s discretion. He also found that the assistant principal is an overall competent administrator, and it was an oversight on her part for not talking to my son to let him know that the situation was handled.  Given all the information that I provided for him, and information from the District’s policy; I did not understand why he would come to these conclusions. I wondered, did he even read all the information that I sent to him? He did not offer any solution to the bully issue only to redirect me back to the principal of the school if the bullying happens again. Since my contact with the deputy superintendent, the principal does not even acknowledge me now, even when I greet her. So how much help or sympathy can I really expect from her if my son is ever bullied again? He ended the message with a quote from Charles Darwin, “It is not the strongest of species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change.” Not sure how this exactly refers to my son’s situation, and how I’m supposed to interpret this.

Soon after I reported the bully, we encountered him at the local YMCA. It was obvious that the boy had not altered his behavior and or felt any remorse. He still had a lot of hostility toward my son, he was looking down at my son with the most menacing look that frightened me. Palatine is a small town and there is a good chance that we will encounter him again. If the school refused to protect my son and send a strong message to the bully, then I will do everything I can to protect my child. Since physical threat is considered an assault and a criminal act, under section 720 ILCS 5/12-1 Illinois Criminal Code. I decided to file a police report
in case the boy decides to carry out his threat the next time.

I tried working with the school administrators to find a solution. And in frustration I contacted the deputy superintendent, only to get the same answers to the bullying issue and told quite frankly that I do not get to choose what school my son goes to. As a tax payer, sixty-seven percent of my property tax goes to the school system, yet I’m not empowered to decide what is best for my child. Being a vocal mom has only resulted in me been ignored, and disrespected by the school administrators. I was afraid to make this public, because I did not want my son to be stigmatized by the school because of my actions. I struggled for weeks to make a decision, I know that bullying is a big problem all over the country and parents need to speak up. If I did not bring this to the attention of other parents in the community, I too would be part of the problem and not the solution.