12 Silly Props + 6 Swift Girls = Christmas Classic

A few years ago during Vaudeville class, the kids and I were talking about traditional Christmas songs. Everyone had favorites. Everyone also named tunes they NEVER wanted to hear again. One of the songs at the top of the "can do without" list was "The 12 Days Of Christmas." I've never cared for this classic myself. The repetitive verse style reminds me of the kids' song, "I Knew An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly."

After much sarcastic commentary about "The 12 Days," I realized it had great potential for a comedic Vaudeville act. First we put together 12 bizarre "substitute" objects for the verses' gifts. Example: We took 2 stuffed animals, an oversize, lopsided turtle, and pinned a small white bird to the top of its shell. Voila! Turtle Dove. And so on. We created 11 more wacky presents for the poor "True Love" recipient.

I choreographed the act so all performers eventually end up running in a big circle, collapsing out of breath at the final "And a partridge in a pear tree." Each year our Advanced Vaudeville class eagerly anticipates laugh-filled rehearsals for their performance of "The 12 Days" in our Christmas show.

We debuted this comedy in Show #86, in 2005, at Tamarack Retirement Home in Palatine. There were 7 performers (or runners) for that show. This Saturday, Dec. 17, Show #119 at Living Christ Lutheran Church in Arlington Heights, 6 runners will perform "The 12 Days."

Some comical comments heard during recent rehearsals:

Caroline, age 17, appearing in her 37th Vaudeville show...

"Why is that partridge in the pear tree? Shouldn't he have flown South by now?" 

"Seven swans? Well, seven is a lucky number, but I've only seen them in pairs.

Lindsay, age 13, show #67...

"Turtledove? It's a hybrid!"

"Maids a milking? Where are all the butlers?"

Lauren, age 12 1/2, show #7...

"French Hens? Oooo La La. What?" 

"Ladies Dancing? At least it's not hip-hop."

Abigail, age 10 1/2, show #25...

"Calling birds? Have you ever seen one using a phone?"

"Lords a leaping? I've never seen a man jumping around in tights before."

Sophia, age 8 1/2, show #25...

"Five golden rings? Who wears that much jewelry?"

"Pipers Piping? "Who do they think they are? The Pied Piper?"

Rachel, age 8 1/2, show #25...

"Geese a laying? I prefer chicken eggs myself."

"Twelve drummers? I love a good drum line!"

Come see all our Christmas acts Saturday in our old-fashioned Variety Show. There will be singers, dancers, musicians and comedians between the ages of 5 and 17.

FREE Christmas Food Pantry Benefit Show, Dec. 17, 2:30 P.M. at Living Christ Lutheran Church, 625 East Dundee Rd., Arlington Heights. Please bring a non-perishable food item to be donated to the pantry. For more show information call Dickinson's Little Vaudeville 847-632-0890 or find us on palatinepatch.com